Seed Dispersal
Warning: The following entry contains profanity, and is rather cynical… my apologies.

Ok, so, this came about after two stressful days of working on a lab report for biology. So these things are bad enough as is, but when trying to coordinate it among four people to work as a group online, things get a little messy. We sent our lab report and graphs to the rest of the group like ten times. Anyways, it was really starting to annoy me, so I decided I’d write one more lab report, but make it absolutely awful, and send it to them saying that I made some revisions, and I was going to turn the new awful copy in first thing in the morning. I figured this would be great since they’d know I was kidding, and it’s be funny to see how horrible it would turn out. Well, I got writing, and as you’ll find out, I got off to a slow start, but sure enough, things picked up, and I was soon on my way to create something that my roommate deems, “worthy of posting!” So if you hate it… send your complaints to him. As for the cynicisms, sorry about that. I guess I was just venting for various reasons, but I guess this just supports Mike Gatterdam’s nickname for me of “cynical bastard.” Well, here is my new lab report:

Seed dispersal is good. There are factors with the winds and the seeds and the fun, yay! Oh how fun seeds are. But when they fall and the acorns hit you on the head, it kinda makes you wonder… what day is it? Where am I? What’s going on?… as you float away, because the damn acorn fell from the tree, and it was a long fall, and it just happened to hit you right on the head, with the little fucking pointed part. So now you’re floating up to heaven swearing up a storm because of your stupidity. You were killed by a little stupid acorn… how pathetic is that?! Nothing noble… no honor… heck, you won’t even get mentioned in the Darwin awards. Forever you’ll be remembered in history as the guy who got killed by an acorn. And then think of your children… They’ll have to go through life wearing protective helmets, or some shit like that, all the time because nobody wants them to get hit in the head with an acorn as well and die the same way, because that would be a tragedy. Not because it’d be so sad, but because it’d be so pathetic. Now really, how successful would your children’s lives be if they always had to wear a stupid orange helmet?! So there go your genes… lost forever because the only genes left are trapped in those helpless kids. Meanwhile, you don’t even make it up to heaven because of all of the blasphemous things you said. So now life really sucks. You rotting in hell, your kids look like retards, and you’ll always be remembered as the guy who got killed by an acorn. Why? Why did this happen? Because some seeds wanted to disperse. Now come on… are you really going to argue that seed dispersal is good now?! Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Hmm… actually, that’s not too bad…. Surely, I’d get some credit if I turned that in… I mentioned wind, and dispersal…. Ah, I guess I’ll go with my other report… since it’s already printed out and all.